Clarification About America

We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common Defense, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish, for those unfortunate whiny souls who do not understand the Constitution and Bill of Rights, the following as a tool to help them better understand the greatness of America and to ease their troubled minds.

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ARTICLE I You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV, $300 sneakers, or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteed anything. ARTICLE II You do not have the right to never be offended. To be offended is your choice. This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone—not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, or express a different opinion, but other people have no obligation to not offend you. ARTICLE III You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful; do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently wealthy. ARTICLE IV You do not have the right to free food, housing, telephones, or college education. Americans are the most charitable people to be found anywhere on the planet and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes.

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ARTICLE V You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but Americans are just not interested in government controlled health care. ARTICLE VI You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim, or kill someone, don't be surprised if the rest of us want to see you dead or in prison. ARTICLE VII You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat, or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you won't have the right to a big screen color TV or a life of leisure. ARTICLE VIII You do not have the right to a job. All of us want you to have a job and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful enough to get paid for your service. ARTICLE IX You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American and living in America means that you have the right to PURSUE happiness, which by the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an over-abundance of idiotic laws created by those who are confused by the Bill of Rights.

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ARTICLE X This is an English speaking country. We don't care where you came from; English is our official language. Learn to speak, read and write it! ARTICLE XI If you were not born in America and are here legally, we don’t care where you came from. You made the choice to come here because of what America is and what you can become in America. Assimilate into our culture and society. You don’t have a right to expect us to adapt to your former culture and society. If where you came from is so great, go back and just leave our culture alone. ARTICLE XII You do not have the right to change our country's history or heritage. This country was founded on the belief in one true God in the Christian/Judeo tradition. And yet, you are given the freedom to believe in any religion, any faith, or no faith at all, with no fear of persecution. The phrase IN GOD WE TRUST and ONE NATION UNDER GOD is part of our heritage and history; if you are uncomfortable with it, too bad. ARTICLE XIII You have no right to be in the United States of America illegally. If you are, don’t be surprised if we do everything in our power to send you back where you came from. We welcome, with open arms, immigrants who desire an opportunity for a better life that is possible in America and go through the process to be here legally. ARTICLE XIV If you find these Non-Rights too onerous or our culture too restrictive, you do have the absolute right to relocate to a region of the world where your expectations can be better met; otherwise grow up and get a grip on reality! It is your obligation to assimilate and embrace American culture, society, and traditions if you choose to live here. God bless America and all who honor her traditions and culture.

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