--Satire
Barack Obama has learned a whole lot about who he is, and is not, over the past several days.
The wackiness started when Republican presidential hopeful Rudy Giuliani took Obama to task for promising to meet with terrorist leaders.
Resurrecting the legacy of Ronald Reagan and the Gipper's adept handling of the communists, Giuliani reminded Obama of just whom he is not.
"I say this most respectfully: You're not Ronald Reagan, you know?" America's mayor said, chiding Obama on Tuesday.
No reaction has been forthcoming from Obama, but it seems safe to assume that being declared unlike conservative Ronald Reagan did not leave the liberal Democrat overly concerned or crestfallen.
But before Obama's team could exploit the "You're No Ronald Reagan!" endorsement from Giuliani, Lynne Cheney interceded with a broadside that could literally put an end to the Obama search for a White House in a predominantly black city.
Mrs. Cheney did so when she announced that her genealogical meddling has unearthed the following bombshell:
Vice President Dick Cheney and Democrat Barack Obama Are Eighth Cousins!
How utterly clever of Mrs. Darth Vader to reveal that tidy bit of information just at the election wars heat up. She knows full well that Obama faces an uphill battle in trying to overcome the perception that he "is not black enough," for African American voters.
Being found loitering in the Cheney family tree is just about the worst news that could hit Obama.
Possibly worse: Disclosure of the fact that Obama is the new owner of Iggy, Ellen DeGeneres' mutt, AND that Obama has sent Iggy to spend the holidays with Michael Vick in Virginia.
Still, there are obvious similarities between Obama and Cheney:
Both are clean and articulate.
Both are committed to winning the war on terror. The only difference being that Cheney is pulling for America to win, while Obama seems partial to the bad guys.
Both are concerned about the illegal alien issue. Cheney wants to let millions more in for cheap labor, Obama wants them here for cheap votes.
Both have deep respect for gays and lesbians. Cheney because of family, Obama because of votes.
Cheney and Obama have sharp differences, too:
Obama would invade allies like Pakistan, Cheney prefers to invade nations with huge oil reserves and infrastructure ruined by U.S. "shock and awe" missions.
Obama hates guns of all sorts, Cheney prefers to use a 28-gauge shotgun when needed to keep snotty lawyers on their toes.
Obama is pro-choice, Cheney believes that abortions rob America of the young men and women needed to invade and occupy foreign nations and provide Halliburton with cheap labor.
Obama is the picture of youth and health, Cheney a crusty old bird with a wonky heart.
Final analysis: Barack Obama, You're no Ronald Reagan, but you may be Dick Cheney!
John W. Lillpop is a recovering liberal. “Clean and sober” since 1992 when last he voted for a Democrat. For years, John lived in the San Francisco Bay Area, the very liberal sanctuary city which protects, rather than prosecutes, certain favored criminals. John escaped the Bay Area in May and now lives in Pine Grove California where conservative values are still in vogue.
