Cuke Tales

Cucumbers are believed to have originated in India. No one is quite sure though. Only tame fruit have been discovered, never a wild one.

Wherever it went, Cucumis sativus quickly became popular. “We remember the fish that we did eat in Egypt freely, the cucumbers, and the melons,” moaned the Israelites to Moses as they trekked for decades across the wilderness to reach the promised land.

So enamoured was the Greek philosopher Pythagoras with the cucumber that he recollected that in a former life he was one – he also believed in reincarnation.

Rome’s second emperor Tiberius, who reigned AD 4-37, had such a passion for cucumbers that it was necessary to raise them year round. In the days before sheet glass and greenhouses this was not easily accomplished. According to Pliny:

[Tiberius] had raised beds made in frames upon wheels, by which cucumbers were moved and exposed to the full heat of heat sun; while, in winter, they were withdrawn, and placed under the protection of frames glazed with mirror-stone.

Experts believe Pliny’s ‘mirror stone,’ lapis specularis, was transparent gypsum from Spain, so also known as ‘Hispania glass.’

All of which in the end did him no good. Annoying the Roman elite with taxes, he was assassinated, only to be succeeded by his grandchild the infamous Caligula.

The cucumbers purchased year-round at the local supermarket are commonly labelled as ‘English’ or ‘glasshouse’ cucumbers. Long, thin and dark green, for some strange doubtless commercial reason, despite having a protective natural skin, they invariably come wrapped tightly in plastic. Grown totally isolated in greenhouses, never experiencing the great outdoors, they are a salute to modern technology.

Later in the growing season, ‘field’ cucumbers commence to appear. These are the good old garden cucumber, although sometimes with a few modern twists. Since it is only female flowers that produce the desired produce, all female-flower bearing plants would be highly desirable. Left to their natural state, cucumber, like all member of the Cucurbitaceae, are monoecious, bearing both male and female plants. Now you can purchase packets of cucumber seeds that contain almost all female plants. The few remaining male ones must also be planted to keep pollination rolling along.

Save space and have clean, unbesmeared by slugs, grow sturdy on 2x2 posts or a handy sunny fence. The richer and more organic the soil the better. In days gone by when a gardener was judged by the size of his or her compost heap, this was often concealed over summer by planting cucumbers on it. Garden space is so restricted today that some desperate home growers have taken to growing their cucumbers in 10-inch hanging baskets. Some time ago this even led to the development of a compact cucumber plant named – what else – ‘Pot Luck.’

According to Richard Folkard, if one causes to dream of cucumbers, it denotes recovery to the sick, and that you will speedily fall in love. If you are already in love, then you will marry the object of your affections. It also denotes moderate success in trade, while to a sailor a pleasant voyage.

Support Canada Free Press

Pliny also claimed that cucumbers “when eaten remain on the stomach till the following day and are very difficult of digestion.” In doing so, he may not have been the first and certainly has not been the last to promulgate such pseudoscience.

On 22 September 1661, Samule Pepys recorded in his Diary: “This day Sir W. Batten tells me that Mr. Newhouse is dead of eating cowcumbers, of which the other day I heard of another, I think.”

The classic insult was penned by Samuel Johnson, presumably in one of his innumerable health hazards, “A cucumber should be well sliced, and dressed with pepper and vinegar, and then thrown out, as good for nothing.”

Appearing to share Johnson’s disdain, Jonathan Swift’s satirical masterpiece tells of how his hero Gulliver encounters a researcher who has spent some years attempting to extract sunbeams from cucumbers.

As late as the mid-20^th century, P. G. Wodehouse, had his Lord Emsworth exclaim, “I didn’t know these sandwiches were cucumber. I thought they were potted meat. I would never have eaten one if I’d known they were cucumber.” (Full Moon 1947).

All of which seems to add confirmation to the observation that humans are 90% water – basically cucumbers with anxiety. “Cool as a cucumber” simply does not hold water.

VIEW Comments