By John Burtis ——Bio and Archives--August 28, 2023
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Oh, boy, Biden's war on household appliances is getting as hot as the fighting around Berdyansk, in the Crimea and near Mariupol.
First Joe Biden came for my gas cook top, my wife's favourite cooking utensil, and I did nothing. Then Uncle Joe and his far left camarilla came for my gas oven and I did nothing. Then Biden and the Democrats came for my ceiling fan and again I did nothing. Who will help me when both my refrigerators, my central air conditioning systems and dishwasher are trucked away by those armed, helmeted federal agents sporting flak vests, driving their heavy armoured MRAP vehicles and personnel carriers across my yard, soft from the rains, destroying my leach field?
I'd call my federal representatives in New Hampshire, but US Senators Shaheen and Hassan and US representatives Kuster and Pappas are card carrying members of the Biden junta, whom they grovel before and support no end while remaining mum to the cries of common folk. Can you imagine any of these dedicated politruks coming to my aid if I so much as called for their help in getting my ceiling fan back from the EPA, my cook top reinstalled or my dreaded propane tank reinstalled, the latter which supplies my whole house emergency generator so I can still see during upcoming brownouts and blackouts? Nein, nyet, no, nej, nee, or non, they'd lampoon me with! Ha!
Who am I going to call, Ghostbusters?
Nope, the EPA has seized their equipment, too, because 88.86% of the dead vote Democrat and you can't have groups of vigilantes armed with Proton Packs, those Unlicensed Nuclear Accelerator Backpacks which accelerate Protons designed specifically for the lassoing of the spirits, because jostling and confining the voting dead isn't allowed (see the % above).
Their Ghost Traps, miniature Ectoplasm Containment Units, can't be employed, either, because they're designed for sucking in the ghosts of the dead while keeping them from the polls, voting lists, crooked poll workers' counts and out of the Fog Reveal, Stingray and First Net (CFP: The Coming Electoral Theft) federal cell phone tracking systems, where the latter can hack voting machines to insure a "proper" count.
Nor can the Psychokinetic Energy locator, powered by a further two serious EPA worries, AA batteries, be employed because it's another proscribed bit of equipment since it's capable of locating the spirits of the voting dead (EctoZone) to enable their captivity.
The Ghostbusters equipment would have a deleterious effect on the numbers of the Democrat voting dead because it's all designed to find, pin, vacuum in and contain their ghosts. Law abiding folk just can't be allowed to operate this stuff in Biden-land because it is illegal and far too dangerous to possess and utilise during a time when the votes are beginning to be cast for Joe. These particular systems are also specifically prohibited within 640 miles of any municipality or county where active ballot harvesting is being employed since it's the very time when the ghosts of the dead are especially active and could be prevented from casting their ballots for Democrats. Who'd a thought!
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I can't just call the cops for help, like I used to do, either, they've been defunded in almost all major metropolises by the Democrats.
Nor can I get hold of the fire department, their new electric pumpers have had their back up diesel and gasoline generators seized by the EPA on Uncle Joe's orders, except those stationed near any Biden McMansion due to the chances of lightning caused kitchen fires destroying classic cars or spreading to the piles of classified documents only Democrats are allowed to retain in garages, and their limited range keeps them from my home in the woods. Recently, their command staffs have been asking local folk to bring their conflagrations to the nearest fire stations for full extinguishment.
And I can't call Bob Barker, any more for his help because he just expired and his phone is off the hook!
Having grown up in the 1950s, gone to college, er, when classes weren't cancelled due to rioting and looting by the far left crowd, in the 1960s, it is hard to fathom just far backwards we've come and how far the Biden gang wants us to keep retreating economically, socially and politically.
Soon, unless we remove the Democrats, the Bidens and the kolkhoz-driven communists from our government, we'll be digging holes in the frozen tundra for shelter with our bare hands and asking our dogs to pitch in with their hind legs because both power tools and unpowered hand tools have been banned: power tools by the EPA due to their noxious and deleterious emissions directly causing global warming and hand tools by Merrick Garland and the DOJ because spades, garden trowels, rakes and entrenching tools can be used in murder. Could our beloved dogs be next on the chopping block?
Again, I'm pleading with you. Help me keep my appliances because I like my wife's cooking, my furnace and my LED lights so I can keep warm and read at night when it's quiet.
But there'll be a single yet distinct advantage arising from the Joe Biden-Democrat-John Kerry ceaseless war on appliances and fossil fuels: there will be no more commotion from those dreadful ATVs which churn through my woods destroying the environment, crushing the local turtles and frightening my dogs.
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John Burtis is a former Broome County, NY firefighter, a retired Santa Monica, CA, police officer. He obtained his BA in European History at Boston University and is fluent in German. He resides in NH with his wife, Betsy.