Rio and the Joys of Multiculturalism and Identity Politics

I recently read about how early-arriving Olympic contestants in Brazil are complaining about the condition of the waters they train by and in--oil slicks, the odd body part, mosquitoes, "superbugs" and such--picky, picky, picky. It struck me how opposed to the spirit of multiculturalism such provincial and benighted attitudes are -- how xenophobic, how paternalistic, how...white. Which led me to think about Kanye West's recent request that Rolling Stone, The New York Times, and other "white" publications stop commenting on black music. Right on Kanye!

In fact, I think that white people should stop playing "black" music altogether--which means no more rap for whitey (sigh). But what's good for the goose is good for the gander, and blacks should be required to give up white musical innovations in turn. Innovations such as musical notation. Musical instruments invented by whites--they would have to go too: saxophones, trombones, pianos, electric guitars...well, you get the idea. I suppose blacks get to keep hollow logs, steel drums, and bongos though -- damn. Who knows how liberals come up with wonderful ideas like Multiculturalism and Identity Politics, but I say it's high time that we all embrace them! So stop your whining, Olympic athletes, and white folks be prepared to listen to musical drivel like Tchaikovsky's "1812 Overture" while blacks get to groove to da funk. No one ever said life was fair. Oh oh, I said "groove to da funk"--being white I can't co-opt black language. Speaking of which, "black language" and Ebonics are derivatives of English, which is indisputably white --which in all fairness means that blacks can't use "black language" or Ebonics. Only a truly black language will do--Swahili perhaps. Sure, that's it--whites will speak English and blacks will speak Swahili...and Hispanics will speak Spanish. How did we ever get along without Identity Politics? Geeze, just think of the possibilities.