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Polar Displacement

Gore: Record Cold Snap Is Actually Global Warming



Just back from a world tour to promote his new book, No, Really, It Is Global Warming! Internet inventor Al Gore talked to Stoos Views in an effort to address mounting world skepticism about global warming and whether Gore is indeed the savior of the planet. Stopping by Stoos Views headquarters in Wynstone, South Dakota, Gore talked to the reporter while lending a hand clearing the four feet of global warming off his driveway.

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“To the uneducated and those, unlike myself, who are untrained in geography, climatology, physics, chemistry and astronomy,” Gore began, “it might appear that it has been unusually cold these past few weeks. If you are like the vast majority of Americans who know nothing about science and are standing there in your four and five foot snow drifts, facing fifty below wind chills, and wondering about the thirty below temperatures from Wyoming to Vermont, and temperatures in the single digits in Georgia, you might say to yourself, ‘how can the winner of the Nobel Prize and Inventor of the Internet be so wrong’?” Gore continued, “Actually, these bone chilling record temperatures are perfectly consistent with global warming and exactly what I expected. This is what I call “Polar Displacement.” The inconvenient truth is that the North Pole is so warm now that huge masses of hot polar air are rising upwards, displacing the formerly cold air and pushing the old arctic air downward. The effect is that the formerly frigid arctic air is now pushed into the United States, Europe and Asia, causing record lows in those regions. While polar bears are clinging to what little ice remains in the North Pole, shedding their coats, and sweating in the warm waters of the Arctic as steam clouds are rising, the countries of North America, Europe and Asia are getting colder and colder. The unusual polar warmth worries the polar bears and causes them to emit methane more frequently, which simply compounds the problem. In time, this unusual cold snap will abate as warm winds blow in from the North Pole; North America, Europe and Asia will thaw and turn into desert while the equatorial countries will eventually experience a mini ice age and become frigid as well. If you had studied these trends as I have, you would know this. Eventually,” he continued, “the frigid air will continue to move southward. The process will take a few years, but in time the whole world will experience desertification and all people, plants, and animals will die. Twenty years—tops. End of story.” Gore discussed his latest trip to China. Flying his private jet, which emitted sixty tons of carbon dioxide into the atmosphere on the way and burned $50,000 of fuel, Gore lectured the Chinese government on the subject of clean air. He warned them to stop building coal-fired power plants--which the Chinese are building at the rate of one per week. “I told them to clean up their act,” Gore noted, “and I think they appreciated my candor. Most of them have read my book and I think they realize that everything I say is true—they must rely on wind power, solar power and other non-polluting renewable energy sources. I feel certain that they will follow my advice and I expect them to cease construction on all new coal powered electrical plants immediately. When I ended my speech, the crowd went silent. I think they were spellbound. It was gratifying. As I left the hall, there was a thunderous chant: “Dung chow zhing!”(1) or words to that effect. I am told it meant, ‘Thank you for your wisdom!’ It was most exhilarating to know that they appreciated my message.” Gore brushed off rumors that copies of “Inconvenient Truth” are flying off the shelves. Midwesterners are said to be using them as kindling. - Satire (1) Actual translation: “Pompous windbag!”


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William Kevin Stoos -- Bio and Archives

Copyright © 2020 William Kevin Stoos
William Kevin Stoos (aka Hugh Betcha) is a writer, book reviewer, and attorney, whose feature and cover articles have appeared in the Liguorian, Carmelite Digest, Catholic Digest, Catholic Medical Association Ethics Journal, Nature Conservancy Magazine, Liberty Magazine, Social Justice Review, Wall Street Journal Online and other secular and religious publications.  He is a regular contributing author for The Bread of Life Magazine in Canada. His review of Shadow World, by COL. Robert Chandler, propelled that book to best seller status. His book, The Woodcarver (]And Other Stories of Faith and Inspiration) © 2009, William Kevin Stoos (Strategic Publishing Company)—a collection of feature and cover stories on matters of faith—was released in July of 2009. It can be purchased though many internet booksellers including Amazon, Tower, Barnes and Noble and others. Royalties from his writings go to support the Carmelites. He resides in Wynstone, South Dakota.


“His newest book, The Wind and the Spirit (Stories of Faith and Inspiration)” was released in 2011 with all the author’s royalties go to support the Carmelite sisters.”


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