Hillary blames Mexican drug problem on Blowbama and ‘don’t bogart that joint’ Bill

Satire During her recent trip to Mexico to discuss the ban on Mexican truck traffic in the United States and the dangerous drug war that threatens to rip apart our neighbor to the south, a curiously incoherent Hillary Clinton blamed the United States for the current drug wars in Mexico, which threaten to spill over the border. Munching on a bag of Tostitos and garlic dip, she grinned widely as she deplaned. The curious odor of burnt oregano emanating from her official jet, she climbed down the stairs to meet the Mexican press corps.

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“I feel strongly that we in the United States bear co-responsibility for the current drug war in Mexico and we must stand shoulder to shoulder with you,” she said, slightly slurring her words and drifting off a bit during her first news conference. “ Man, if it was not –you know-- for our insatiable demand for drugs in the United States, you would not have these problems,” she told Mexican reporters and Stoos Views’ ace reporter, Hugh Betcha after arriving in Mexico City for two days of meetings with Mexican officials. Asked by Stoos Views why the United States seems to be suffering from a general malaise, increased drug usage, and hopelessness during the past four months--which is fueling the demand from drugs in the Unites States-- she replied, “Well, the answer is obvious. We are all so bummed out by the fact that I did not get the Presidential nomination, Obama’s incompetence, the concentration of power by the central government and our slide toward socialism, the redistribution of wealth and the Obama administration’s war on capitalism, it is little wonder that the country is turning to drugs. At least, 70% of the population of the United States and half the cabinet is stoned at any given time since the Presidential election,” she continued. “We are dropping out, man. It seems that everyone wants to tune out; smoking dope and snorting blow is the best way to dampen the pain,” she told a stunned audience of Mexican reporters. “Yes,” she continued, “ the reason Congress stopped the pilot program allowing the Mexican trucks to operate in the States, was that they were bringing in pot and cocaine by the truckload—they just don’t admit it. The freaking wheels of the Mexican trucks were made from molded dope, man. It is true.” Asked by Stoos Views about Obama’s promise to support the Mexican government in its efforts to stem the violence in Mexico and prevent smuggling into the States, Clinton giggled inappropriately, her eyes drifting toward the clouds as she tried to process the question. “What credibility does Obama have on this issue? Hey, dude, he admitted that he was a pothead and a junkie during his high school and college years—maybe later. In fact, on the streets he was known as “Blowbama” and “Cocaine Hussein” because he used to snort the white stuff after school. So what kind of example does he set for our kids? For that matter, take my husband—please. No, all kidding aside, my own husband, the philandering ex-President, claimed he smoked dope but did not inhale. That is bogus, dude. It is just the sort of thing you would expect from a dishonest scumbag—the same one who said, “I did not have sex with that woman,” after biting his lip and looking into the camera. No, he smoked dope all right and he inhaled too let me tell you. Hell, he used to do a doobie or two between classes during college. Nope, Bill liked his pot too. Isn’t it sad in a way that McCain was sitting in a North Vietnamese prison suffering for his country while Bill was smoking dope and protesting the military? But then again, we do not vote for character do we? Yes, I can say without reservation that when it comes to the Mexican drug problem, both President Clinton and President Obama did their part to finance the drug lords in Mexico and did as much to support the importation of drugs into the United States as anyone. In fact, they asked me to score some weed while I was down here. Whoops, just kidding, don’t print that!” she said, giggling once again uncontrollably. “Ironic, isn’t it,” she continued, “every time Blowbama snorted nose candy on the corner or Bill bought a dime bag of weed, they were helping finance the drug cartel that they now condemn and which the President of Mexico is so bravely fighting?” As she concluded the rather bizarre new conference, Clinton, increasingly detached from her surroundings, exhibiting more slurred speech and bloodshot eyes, asked the reporters “if anyone had a jumbo sausage pizza and a forty pound bag of Oreos,” [sic] at which time the conference was hastily concluded and she was whisked off by the Secret Service to an undisclosed location.