--Satire--
Speaking today to COOL-IT (Communists for Only Onerous and Lofty Industrial Taxation) in Nome, Alaska, former vice-president Al Gore criticized the United States’ failure to adequately address climate change. Mr. Gore warned of future consequences of inaction while emphasizing that we have already felt the effects of a lamentably low suicide rate. Gore mentioned the extinction of species, the melting of the polar ice caps, and his loss of Florida in the 2000 presidential election. Said Gore,
