In America, toilet paper is so plentiful, it's like it grows on trees or something. It's literally available everywhere. From big-box stores with industrial-sized multi-packs to conventional local retailers to neighborhood convenience stores. It's even available in dollar stores for the frugal. Likewise, it is found in unexpected places such as technology specialists like Staples. (Why does one need to buy toilet paper with one's new internet-ready laptop? Let's not speculate.) Yet, regardless of the quality of the business, all of these vendors have the same thing in common: all are for-profit, Capitalist enterprises. In fact, despite the obviously rabid competition, the U.S. toilet paper marketplace is so robust novelty stores like Spencer's carry Obama toilet paper (or Hillary, if that is your preference for a no doubt chafing bum-wipe). Compare this circumstance with that of the Socialist government of Venezuela infamous for their toilet paper shortages--among other basic staples like soap, coffee, milk or sugar. Indeed, if the unlikely Socialist Bernie Sanders comes to power, how will his empty-headed millennial supporters enjoy their Sharia law-compliant Starbucks when the aforementioned ingredients are unavailable? No doubt there will be a collective gnashing of teeth as these minions stand in Socialist-inspired unemployment lines snaking around the block without their pacifying $6.00 European-style cups of Joe.

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