(The following is a speech that Obama might have given, if he were willing to actually be honest with America's schoolchildren.)
Hey Kids,
This is me. Barack Obama. You might know me from a lot of magazine covers. Also I helped Spider-Man fight crime and I keep interrupting American Idol to give speeches that no one listens to anymore. Well just try turning me off now. That's right, you can't. Because you're in school, which means you have to listen to me.