For people-watchers like me, holidays offer a great chance for observation – and a little introspection.
As I watched people on Thanksgiving, I was appalled at the superficiality: pasted-on smiles, mid-air kisses, perfunctory hugs, and meaningless chatter that passed for conversation between people that supposedly love each other. And I realized something: the major malfunction is that thing called Self-Esteem.
We hear about it constantly. Everything in today’s world seems powered by, and geared toward the building of somebody’s self-esteem. It’s all about our “self-worth” – and if you listen to the pundits, that is apparently THE most important thing in Life.
In past generations, however, we looked at it differently: we spoke of Self-RESPECT. So what is the difference? Isn’t it just semantics - just a personal choice of words? Or is there really a difference that critically affects our lives and society?
Each of us is a unique individual. Even “identical” twins have their own differentiated fingerprints. And we’re told now that that uniqueness makes us “special”. No one understands or appreciates us properly, because our individual feelings and needs are “unique”. Furthermore, it’s become a contest, somehow, to claim that your “uniqueness” is more extreme than that of others, making you deserving of Special Treatment.
In fact, you not only deserve of it, you’re ENTITLED to it. And according to the Psychology Today crowd, your Self-Esteem – your evaluation of your worth – suffers, if you don’t get that Special Treatment to which you’re entitled.
Self-Esteem, however, is like an emotional tapeworm: it is never satisfied, and always hungers for more. So we have become a society of little “gods” feeding off one another, expecting and demanding that Special Treatment we’ve been told we deserve. As a result, we treat others – even loved ones - like lackeys, who only exist to provide that pampering.
But our pursuit of Self-Esteem isn’t making us happy, or improving our world. It is spawning selfishness and cruelty, and actually poisoning our society. And why? Because it is based on a lie.
The Bible says, “There is nothing new under the sun”. Yes, we are each unique in our DNA: there is no one else out there with exactly the same combination of looks and personality traits. However, our EXPERIENCES in this Life are not “unique”.
We all arrive tiny, naked and helpless, which is about as “equal” as it gets. We all work to develop the same basic abilities. We all contend with the same physical needs and emotions. We all experience failure and success, disappointment and heartache, love, fear, joy, anger, exhaustion, etc. And Life is just Life - not a thinking entity, capable of fairness or prejudice. So no matter how sad your lot may be, countless others before you have experienced the same - or worse. That means NONE of us is that special, or deserving – or “entitled” to be catered to by the rest of humanity.
Diana Clark is a Christian, grandmother, conservative Constitutionalist, a Vet, from three generations of Vets - and would rather do a good CW two-step than eat. Diana can be reached at asnglvoice@centurylink.net
Therefore, it’s not self-esteem that we need - it’s Self-RESPECT.
When you are alone, looking in the mirror, you can’t lie to that person looking back at you. That person carries the memory of every sorry, stinking, self-serving and rotten thought you ever had, or thing you ever did. That person in the mirror knows every dirty little secret you have – and he or she is not the least impressed or fooled by the charade you put on for the public.
To respect ourselves means that we do what is right, even when it’s going to cost us – and even when there is no audience around to see it - so we can look at that face in the mirror later, and not feel ashamed. And the need to do that – to be able to look ourselves in the eye – requires us to treat others the way we would like to be treated.
Self-Esteem is about lying to yourself, in order to make yourself FEEL important – and demanding that others buy the lie, and feed your ego.
Self-Respect is about BEING a person who doesn’t have to be ashamed, and that kind of person interacts with others in a very different way. The person with self-respect doesn’t need to demand special treatment to make him/her feel important. The person with self-respect is admired by others, and IS important - to all of us.
It’s time that we “esteemed” Self-RESPECT again.
