Harsh Words Between Obama and Chavez

-Satire- President Obama, back from his South American summit in Trinidad, called Stoos Views World News Desk reporter and Pugilist Prize winning journalist, Hugh Betcha, at his home in Wynstone, South Dakota, to set the record straight on his recent encounter with Venezuelan President, Dictator for Life, and Petroleum Magnate, His Rotundity, Hugo Chavez, in Trinidad. And, it appears, all is not as it seems.

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“It was anything but cordial,” the President noted, “and there was a lot said during this exchange that the public does not know. Although we have to keep up appearances for the sake of the camera and international relations, we had a frank exchange that was honestly not very pleasant. While the American public perceives me as soft on the enemies of this country, the truth is, I am a pretty tough guy. There is a limit to how much I will take from some fat little despot like Chavez. Frankly I let him have it--but you would not know this from the pictures.” When asked what really happened between the two, Obama was anxious to set the record straight. “Well,” he said, his brow furrowed, “the fat little bastard got out of his chair unexpectedly and handed me this anti-American book. As he handed it to me, he said, under his breath: ‘I hope you are able to read it, you Yankee ingnoramus.’ He was smiling as he said this. Now, he had already called me ignorant once before, so I thought ‘screw it,’ I will let him have it. As I took the book, I replied, under my breath: “You are nothing but a fat little pimp in a parrot suit!’ whereupon, he shook my hand and returned to his seat. It is time for the public to know the real truth and how tough I am on foreign despots,” the President remarked while pounding his fist on his desk. When asked what he plans to do about Chavez insults, Obama stiffened up, “You know those nine refineries that he and his oil company own in the United States? Well, I am sitting here thinking that I sort of like Chavez’ idea of nationalizing assets within Venezuela. We might just do the same thing here with his refineries. He is always threatening to cut off his oil exports. Well, he needs us more than we need him. After all, 60% of his exports go to the United States and Venezuelan imports account for only 11% of our oil supply. So, if he wants to mess with me, I will just nationalize the nine refineries in the United States that he owns either in whole or in part. As long as I am taking over the United States’ banking system and the auto industry, why not take Fatso’s refineries. I wonder if he will call me an ignoramus then?” Then, in a surprising move, the President shoved a draft Executive Order across his desk. “Read this. I am about to sign a new Executive Order. I like to call it “C.I.T.G.O.” he said, chuckling. “That is, ‘Confiscating the Illiterate Tinhorn’s Gas and Oil.’ It provides for the immediate confiscation of all of Chubby’s refineries and his CITGO stations across the United States. Certainly he will understand--after all he did the same thing in his own country. The Republicans will like me because much of his oil money goes to support terrorist groups in South America and the purchase of Russian armaments. The Democrats will like me because they like the idea of an all powerful federal government that controls all industry and the private lives of its citizens. So it is a win-win politically for me.” The interview concluded rather abruptly as the President opened his shirt, beat his chest and yelled loudly: “I got the powah!” Whereupon the reporter hastily retreated, escorted by two brown shirted members of Obama’s recently organized Domestic Security Force.