Why it is Patriotic to Side with Cities that Boycott Arizona

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Now of course I did not actually read the bill with my own eyes; what I did was follow the examples displayed by the erudite leaders of this country, delegating my scholarship to the press, magazines, blogs, and the general word on the street. If our president, Barack Obama, can sign a 2700 hundred page health care bill based on anecdotal propaganda gathered by various people possessing incorruptible decadence, and if Eric Holder can delineate the Arizona immigration law and issue apocalyptic prophecies in infinitesimal degrees without ever reading the bill and instead relying on hearsay, and if Janet Napolitano, Secretary of Homeland Security, can claim that "That's not the kind of law I would have signed... I believe it's a bad law enforcement law," without reading one page of the 10 page bill by relying on a jejunely calculated postulation based on intelligence gathered from La Raza pamphlets, The National Enquirer, and The View, then I hereby proclaim myself a renowned expert on the Arizona immigration law by intellectual proxy. Based on my indolently gathered intelligence, I must proclaim solidarity with the cities of San Francisco, Los Angeles, West Hollywood, and Oakland, all from the wistfully insolvent state of California. But an honorary position among these patriotic enclaves is warranted for the Phoenix Suns. Since I have not actually read the immigration bill in question, I thought we could read it together, staring at the demonic scrawlings with our collective jaws agape. I plugged the following words into Google: immigration law, racial profiling, oppressive states, and discrimination. The following treatise is the fruit of my sleuthing. Notice how in the first sentence, the state is compelling all municipalities within the state to cooperate with federal immigration law, and forcing all law enforcement agents to check legal status by questioning immigrants and demanding to see their papers. The reprobate:

• (a) Every law enforcement agency shall fully cooperate with the United States Immigration and Naturalization Service regarding any person who is arrested if he or she is suspected of being present in the United States in violation of federal immigration laws.
• (b) With respect to any such person who is arrested, and suspected of being present in the United States in violation of federal immigration laws, every law enforcement agency shall do the following: (1) Attempt to verify the legal status of such person as a citizen of the United States, an alien lawfully admitted as a permanent resident, an alien lawfully admitted for a temporary period of time or as an alien who is present in the United States in violation of immigration laws. The verification process may include, but shall not be limited to, questioning the person regarding his or her date and place of birth, and entry into the United States, and demanding documentation to indicate his or her legal status. (2) Notify the person of his or her apparent status as an alien who is present in the United States in violation of federal immigration laws and inform him or her that, apart from any criminal justice proceedings, he or she must either obtain legal status or leave the United States. (3) Notify the Attorney General of California and the United States Immigration and Naturalization Service of the apparent illegal status and provide any additional information that may be requested by any other public entity.
• (c) Any legislative, administrative, or other action by a city, county, or other legally authorized local governmental entity with jurisdictional boundaries, or by a law enforcement agency, to prevent or limit the cooperation required by subdivision (a) is expressly prohibited.

This must be one of the most discriminatory pieces of legislation on the books in any state of this union. Not one consecrated city has the option of giving sanctuary to pre-citizens without penalty. The nerve of Arizona... wait a second... what is this... this is not the Arizona immigration bill. Listen: I must ask the reader to strike from the record any prejudicial and malignant thoughts this bill may have caused them to formulate against California, as this is section 834b of the California Penal Code forcing all municipalities to comply within the state of California. Obviously a stenographic error in transcribing, causing the first sentence to not reflect the words "in California" preceding the word "shall" in the first sentence. Anyway, our crusade is still salvageable. I will refrain from personal investigation, and rely on my original methodology, which is recommended by our leaders in D.C., depending on other people's opinions for my own. With serendipity reigning down upon us this past week, one of the true leaders of a wonderful empire that just so happens to abut Arizona, no less, was touring the White House and our esteemed Congress, and addressing this very subject. What a sad state of affairs to which we have succumbed when the President of Mexico, Felipe Calderon, has to risk flying across Arizona's borders to scold and educate the populace of America regarding the atrocious Arizona immigration bill. This Mexican President, this captain of righteousness, has shepherded his beloved country of Mexico down a path of peace and prosperity, which is starting to pay huge dividends by curbing the random decapitations, kidnappings, drug smuggling, human smuggling, abject violence, and general anarchy and mayhem, by noting that there was a 5 1/2 minute period in the month of December when not one of the above mentioned exportable commodities happened. Now I shall let President Calderon explain the Arizona law in plain and simple Spanish. Calderon flew into the United States last week, being under diplomatic parasol, technically making his lack of documents a non-issue, but he did, and prudently so, refuse to land in Arizona for refueling purposes, nonetheless. There were a few snags with the Democratic Party's warm acceptation of his diatribe against the United States as his translator's rendition was as discombobulated as the diction of a Middle School English teacher in Tucson. Regardless of the incoherency of the speech at times, there was always a rousing standing ovation lauded by the Democrats. The Mexican Embassy had to clear up a few poorly translated remarks by Calderon. Example of the poor translation: "Despite their enormous strain on the economy and society of the United States, millions of immigrants are shadowy, and at times, like in the land seized from Mexico, the state of Arizona, are forced into patterns of dissemination." The transcript from the Mexican Embassy: "Despite their enormous contribution to the economy and society of the United States, millions of immigrants still live in the shadows, and at times, like in Arizona, even face patterns of discrimination." Calderon said the law "ignores reality," while adamantly pronouncing that the billions of dollars that illegal aliens cost the U.S. each year, the crimes they cause, the drugs smuggled into the U.S. across the border, the kidnappings in the U.S. by Mexican pre-citizens, the violence on the border, and the smuggling of humans across the border, were unrealistic products of the right-wing propaganda machine. I was so inspired by Calderon's scolding of the anti-pre-Americans that I have located the immigration law of El Diablo currently in force in Arizona. I used the same key words in Google as before: immigration law, racial profiling, oppressive states, and discrimination, but added the great country of Mexico and Calderon. Google disgorged that Arizona immigration law dictates immigrants should:

• have the means to sustain themselves economically;
• not destined to be burdens on society;
• of economic and social benefit to society;
• of good character and have no criminal records;
• and contributors to the general well-being of the nation;
• immigration authorities have a record of each foreign visitor;
• foreign visitors do not violate their visa status;
• foreign visitors are banned from interfering in the country's internal politics;
• foreign visitors who enter under false pretenses are imprisoned or deported;
• foreign visitors violating the terms of their entry are imprisoned or deported;
• those who aid in illegal immigration will be sent to prison.

This is not a law, this is citizenship genocide; this would not only eradicate all pre-citizens from within the confines of Arizona's boundaries, but if adhered to in the strictest manner, would eliminate the entire Democratic Party within that state, and if ever adopted nationally, would set this country back, politically, all the way to the ratification of the Constitution. How can the state of Arizona force all the pre-citizens to... hold on a second, not again... there must be some sort of mistake with this Google. This appears to be the immigration law of Mexico. Again, strike this from the record, extinguish whatever ill thoughts are burning in your mind until I can get this sorted. There has to be a perfectly good explanation. Hold your faith, as it does not excuse Arizona, we all know they did something horribly wrong with immigration. I, along with Barack Obama, Janet Napolitano, Eric Holder, and the entire Democratic Party, just know something is amiss in Arizona; we are just not exactly sure what it is yet, but it is most definitely much worse than anything California and Mexico have done. And I can promise that once one of us finally reads this bill, we will find some way to bring their contumelious and oppressive immigration law to light. Bear with us. How about this: "Every alien, eighteen years of age and over, shall at all times carry with him and have in his personal possession any certificate of alien registration or alien registration receipt card issued to him pursuant to subsection... assists an illegal alien s/he should reasonably know is illegally in the U.S." No, no, no. That's from the United States immigration law Section 1304(e). Eureka! I have procured the iniquitous document.

ARTICLE 8. ENFORCEMENT OF IMMIGRATION LAWS

• A. No official or Agency Of This State Or a County, City, Town or Other political subdivision of this state may limit or restrict the enforcement of federal immigration laws to less than the full extent permitted by federal law.
• B. For any lawful stop, detention or arrest made by a law enforcement official or a law enforcement agency of this state or a law enforcement official or a law enforcement agency of a county, city, town or other political subdivision of this state in the enforcement of any other law or ordinance of a county, city or town or this state where reasonable suspicion exists that the person is an alien and is unlawfully present in the United States, a reasonable attempt shall be made, when practicable, to determine the immigration status of the person, except if the determination may hinder or obstruct an investigation. Any person who is arrested shall have the person's immigration status determined before the person is released. The person's immigration status shall be verified with the federal government pursuant to 8 United States code section 1373(c). A law enforcement official or agency of this state or a county, city, town or other political subdivision of this state may not consider race, color or national origin in implementing the requirements of this subsection except to the extent permitted by the United States or Arizona Constitution. A person is presumed to not be an alien who is unlawfully present in the United States if the person provides to the law enforcement officer or agency any of the following:
  1. A valid Arizona driver license.
  2. A valid Arizona nonoperating identification license.
  3. A valid tribal enrollment card or other form of tribal identification.
  4. If the entity requires proof of legal presence in the United States before issuance, any valid United States federal, state, or local government issued identification.
• E. In the implementation of this section, an alien's immigration status may be determined by:
  1. A law enforcement officer who is authorized by the federal government to verify or ascertain an alien's immigration status.
  2. The United States immigration and customs enforcement or the United States customs and border protection pursuant to 8 United States Code section 1373(c).
Resolute readers do charge forth with our crusade against the state of Arizona, as the plenitude of evidence against Arizona has been manifested by my stalwart enterprise. Unfortunately, I have yet to read the snippet above, as I have become infirmed with physical exhaustion and mental lethargy as a result of this production. If anyone can peruse the above Arizona law and locate the obvious mandate for racial profiling, discrimination, and the various other pernicious verbiage, please note it and pass it on to me so I can be informed.

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