Hugh Betcha to Build Gay Bar near Ground Zero Mosque

Hugh Betcha, Ace Reporter for the Stoos Views Media Congolomerate in beautiful downtown Wynstone, South Dakota--where the air is clean, the crime rate low, the values are good and the people vote red--recently announced a new venture in New York City. Hugh, the Chief of the Alternate Lifestyles and Tolerance Bureau of Stoos Views, moved to tears by the goodwill and tolerance displayed by Mayor Bloomberg and President Obama toward the proposed Ground Zero Mosque soon to be built in the Big Apple, and desirous of promoting tolerance of gay men and women around the world, recently announced that he has been granted permission by the New York City Zoning Commission to open a gay night club across the street from the Ground Zero Mosque.

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“I was so moved my the outpouring of tolerance and understanding displayed by the Mayor and President Obama as they vigorously defended the right of the Muslims to build the Ground Zero Mosque near the place where 3,000 Americans were slaughtered by radical Islamists, that I thought now is the time to promote tolerance of the gay lifestyle--something that is sorely lacking in the Muslim world,” Hugh announced to a packed room of reporters. “After all, since they have no gays in Iran, according to Ahmadinejad--either because they killed or jailed them all--and since gays in other Muslim countries are persecuted, tortured, and killed for their lifestyle, I thought, hey, what better way to educate the world on tolerance of our gay brothers and sisters?” he continued. “That way, when Ahmadinejad comes to visit New York again and make another of his many speeches here, he can stop by, worship at the Ground Zero Mosque, then come over, sample the cuisine, and dance a little. Perhaps he will change his mind about gays. Rumor has it that he is bisexual and cross dresses in the privacy of his own home, so perhaps we can even get him to come out of the closet.” Asked what the new business will entail, Hugh replied: “We will cater to the gay, lesbian and transgender crowd, but all are welcome--Saudi Princes who finance terrorism, radical Jew-hating leaders like Ahmadinejad, and anyone else. That is what tolerance is all about. Like Obama said, ‘in America a landowner has a perfect right to build whatever he wants on his property.’ So, all are welcome. We will feature pork hotdogs and pork tenderloins, all served on our famous Tali-buns, in order to promote good ole fashion Midwestern pork products and American agriculture. We will also feature our special house drink--the Pork Martini. My bartender, Tom Cook, thought that one up and the idea stuck. People love them.” “Isn’t that a little insensitive?” an MSNBC reporter asked Hugh. “Won’t some Muslims be offended by a gay bar across the street, featuring a pork menu and pork drinks?” “Well, as the President said this week, it is not a matter of whether we should--but whether we can. Like the Ground Zero Mosque, it is not a matter of whether they should, but whether they can. Yes we can! So we will. In time, we are certain those who finance, build, and attend the Ground Zero Mosque will grow to love alcohol drinking, pork-eating, gay persons, just like New Yorkers will learn to love and respect the idea of a Ground Zero Mosque being built close to the site where radical Islamists killed 3,000 of our fellow countrymen. Tolerance is the thing…and it works both ways. There is no other way to teach respect for those with different views. Like the President said this week--we must tolerate persons of different faiths, beliefs, lifestyles and genders. That is what American is all about.” Asked by a reporter whether Hugh had talked to his buddy, President Obama, about the proposed gay bar, Hugh replied: “Of course, we had a beer summit at the White House a couple nights ago, got totally ‘faced with the President and he--being a tolerant person--immediately warmed up to the idea. Bloomberg too.” “What did the President say?” “Right after he and Bloomberg pray at the grand opening of the new Ground Zero Mosque, they are going to come over to The Wiener Hut, eat some dogs and do a little dancing.” Copyright © 2010 William Kevin Stoos