--Satire
Iqaluit, Nunavut, February 15, 2034--On this historic date, the newly elected Prime Minister of Canada, together with the Secretary of the United Nations, Inuit Elders and Chiefs of several northern Peoples, many heads of state including the new State of Antarctica (current permanent population: Two), delegates from the Sierra Club and other NGOs and a slew of reporters from every major media outlet was present at the ribbon cutting for the new headquarters of the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change.
The Feast
After the obligatory welcome of the delegates by the Prime Minister, the Province of Nunavut, the Major of Iqaluit and brief speeches by the UN and IPCC secretaries, the dignitaries joined in a sumptuous feast of anaconda steaks with wheat chaff (a new low-fat food), delicious crickets deep-fried in non-GMO corn oil and Inuit-style banana mousse for desert, all from the local farmers market.
It was a splendid affair, reminiscent of the opening of the Olympic summer games in Spitsbergen, two years earlier, but without any of the normally common Aurora Borealis night illumination.
Mother Nature
Even Mother Nature joined in the celebration. Ice in the Arctic ice had last been seen a decade ago and was quickly becoming part of the local folklore. Along the coast in the near-shore waters, young beluga whales (recently released from “species survival aquaria” further south) were gracing the water with acrobatic displays, inviting the dignitaries to join in the fun. Regrettably, no polar bears were to be seen anywhere. Just a few days earlier, several were seen further north, trying to find an ice flow from which to hunt the abundant seals. Most of the twenty some thousands bears known to exist just a couple of decades earlier are presumed dead from drowning.
Developing Issues
The dignitaries also found time to discuss developing issues in the polar region, especially the nuisance palm trees, which appear to be a growing problem [pun unintended] in the northern climes. New research has unequivocally linked their appearance to climate change. This species is threatening to become a nuisance plant in the entire (northern) circumpolar area, together with butterflies and other exotic species previously known only from the depths of the equatorial jungles. However, the IPCC has its eyes and ears on the ground and has already developed beta-stage computer models predicting the palms’ advance up to the year 2450.
Scientific Leadership
Of course, the scientific leaders of day, including such luminaries as Drs. Andrew Weaver and Thomas Homer-Dixon have been explaining the science behind the recent climatic developments in clear terms for decades already; they are all due to “internal climate variations.”
Let’s hope our universities continue to provide sound education to the students and find a solution to the nuisance palm tree problem.
