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President Obama To Order Pelvic Salute



image“I am all about change,” Democratic hopeful Barack Hussein Obama told reporters recently, “and above all, I like to be hip.” Questioned about his well-known disrespect for the flag and repeated failure to place his hand over his heart—as suggested by federal statute (1)--Obama bristled at the suggestion that it was somehow unpatriotic to hold his crotch during the national anthem.

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“Hey, I don’t need to place no hand over no heart,” he replied. “Frankly, I like to use a modified “Roseanne Barr” method of grabbing the crotch and singing really high during the national anthem…you know, like she did at that baseball game? Anyhow,” he continued, “Hillary Clinton and Bill Richardson put their hands over their hearts and look what happened to them…they lost, big time.” People like cool. They don’t even know what I stand for--Hell, neither do I,” he chuckled, “but they think I am cool and that is all that counts these days. Yeah, McCain served his country and was a hero and all that stuff,” he continued, “but he is not cool and that means he is a loser.” Obama, indicated that, if elected, he would change the law to provide that either placement of the hand over the heart or over the crotch—which he prefers—would be acceptable protocol during the playing of the anthem. “Either I will do it by Executive Order,” he said, “or, since I will be appointing two or three Supreme Court Justices who will interpret the laws any damn way they see fit, voiding that outdated statute should be no problem.” When asked whether the fact that 80% of all Americans from all walks of life either place their hand over their heart or their hat over their heart during the playing of the national anthem, Obama replied: “Hey, my buddy Billy Ayers stands on the flag, my minister Reverend Jeremiah “Amerikkka” Wright hates the country, my wife ain’t too proud of it either, so what am I supposed to do? I can’t turn my back on my friends and be someone I am not. I’d look like a damn fool and Farrakhan would call me an Uncle Tom if I saluted the flag. So, I just use the old ‘down low’ salute when the anthem plays. I do not want to look too patriotic or I might lose the Hate America First vote and then where would I be? A loser, like Hillary? No way, brother!” When asked what other changes he might make if elected, Obama indicated that he would favor substituting the words “Under the United Nations” for the words “Under God” in the Pledge of Allegiance, and replacing the traditional handshake between Justices of the Supreme Court at the opening of each session, with “high fives” and head butting. 1 “36 USCS § 301 § 301.  National anthem 
(a) Designation. The composition consisting of the words and music known as the Star-Spangled Banner is the national anthem.
 (b) Conduct during playing. During a rendition of the national anthem--
   (1) when the flag is displayed--
      (A) all present except those in uniform should stand at attention facing the flag with the right hand over the heart….” [Emphasis added for President Obama’s edification]


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William Kevin Stoos -- Bio and Archives

Copyright © 2020 William Kevin Stoos
William Kevin Stoos (aka Hugh Betcha) is a writer, book reviewer, and attorney, whose feature and cover articles have appeared in the Liguorian, Carmelite Digest, Catholic Digest, Catholic Medical Association Ethics Journal, Nature Conservancy Magazine, Liberty Magazine, Social Justice Review, Wall Street Journal Online and other secular and religious publications.  He is a regular contributing author for The Bread of Life Magazine in Canada. His review of Shadow World, by COL. Robert Chandler, propelled that book to best seller status. His book, The Woodcarver (]And Other Stories of Faith and Inspiration) © 2009, William Kevin Stoos (Strategic Publishing Company)—a collection of feature and cover stories on matters of faith—was released in July of 2009. It can be purchased though many internet booksellers including Amazon, Tower, Barnes and Noble and others. Royalties from his writings go to support the Carmelites. He resides in Wynstone, South Dakota.


“His newest book, The Wind and the Spirit (Stories of Faith and Inspiration)” was released in 2011 with all the author’s royalties go to support the Carmelite sisters.”


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