“First Lady Executive Order” Bans Politically Incorrect Words…..

-Satire Hearing that the First Lady, Michelle Obama had begun her campaign to ban the word “bossy” from the English language, Hugh Betcha—Ace Reporter for Canada Free Press, Chief of the Language Bureau of the Stoos Views Media Conglomerate and voted “Reporter We Would Most Like to Hang With, 2014” by MSNBC—flew to Foggy Bottom to interview the First Lady at her request.

Hugh, a reporter who walks with kings and princes, has unlimited access to both sides of the aisle and to the White House, and was the frequent guest of the President and his wife, was more than happy to accommodate the First Lady’s request for publicity in order to support her most recent campaign. “Tell us about your campaign please,” Hugh requested as he relaxed in an overstuffed chair in the Oval Office. “The public wants to know.” “Well,” the First Lady began, I have decided, along with my friends Oprah and Beyonce, that the word “bossy” is offensive to girls, has a bad connotation and holds girls back from ascending to the top levels of society and the workforce. So, we have decided to ban that word.” “How does one get past the First Amendment right to free speech?” Hugh asked, stunned by the suggestion. “And is simply using the word ‘bossy’ more dangerous to society than, for example, Beyonce’s steamy video glorying graphic sex acts in the back of a limousine?” “Well of course what Beyonce does is ‘art’ but using the word ‘bossy’ is sexist and demeaning to young girls. Free speech after all is not entirely free,” replied the First Lady.

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“Yeah, but who decides what speech is free and what is to be punished,” asked Hugh respectfully. “I do. I am the First Lady after all,” replied Mrs. Obama. “Yes but who gave you the right to decide what is free and what is not free speech?” “My husband, of course. He has a pen and he has a phone and he has the power by Executive Order to ban certain subversive speech. He has delegated that authority to me as First Lady. It is my latest project and I am as excited about this as I am raising carrots and protesting cheeseburgers. It is as important a task as I have ever taken on.” "So ‘bossy” has been banned?” Hugh asked, in disbelief. “Yes, indeed. It suppresses and subverts the advancement of women in the workplace. Henceforth, it shall not be used publicly and if it is so used the violator will be subject to a fine and imprisonment—to be decided by the President and myself. But there are others….” “Others what?” Hugh inquired. “Other improper and subversive words that we are abolishing from the English language.” “Which are?” “Well, there are several words that are not politically correct and show disrespect to my husband’s regime…er, administration…” “Such as?” “Well: ‘failure,’ ‘weak,’ ‘Obamacare,’ ‘Jimmy Carter’ ‘disaster,’ ‘indecisive,’ ‘unemployment,’ ‘job loss,’ ‘vacations,’ ‘royalty,’ ‘lavish,’ ‘wasteful,’ ‘debt,’ ‘extravagant’ 'gowns' and ‘overspending,’ to name a few,” the First Lady replied sternly. “These shall not henceforth be used publicly on pain of fine and imprisonment.” “At the risk of sounding disrespectful—which is not my intent—you have risen to the highest level of power in the country and being “bossy” if you will pardon my language has not stopped you from attaining your position,” Hugh suggested. “And by presuming to ban words from our common language are you not, ironically, being bossy yourself?” “No, I am not “bossy,” I am simply ‘assertive’” she replied. “And words mean what I choose them to mean, neither more nor less…. As my husband said: ‘elections have consequences.’ And this is just one.” Copyright © 2014 William Kevin Stoos for Canada Free Press