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Federal waste.

EPA hires consultant to tell them that employees pooping in the hallway could be a problem



Between waging a war against fossil fuels, destroying entire industries with over-regulation, and promoting phony science, the EPA has a lot on its plate. Their work is made all the more difficult when you realize that their employees are a bunch of porn addicts who would rather spend the day in their secret man-caves than at their desks. Now, they have a new problem and it's making their old issues seem positively palatable by comparison.
EPA employees are defecating in the hallways. Yep, you read that right. The EPA's region 8 managers have written a mass email informing the "rank and vile" that pooping in the hallways is an unacceptable workplace activity. They'd like it to stop. In case you'd like to know which EPA offices to avoid, region 8 is in and around Denver, Colorado:

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It appears, however, that a regional office has reached a new low: Management for Region 8 in Denver, Colo., email earlier this year to all staff in the area pleading with them to stop inappropriate bathroom behavior, including defecating in the hallway. In the email, obtained by Government Executive, Deputy Regional Administrator Howard Cantor mentioned “several incidents” in the building, including clogging the toilets with paper towels and “an individual placing feces in the hallway” outside the restroom. Confounded by what to make of this occurrence, EPA management “consulted” with workplace violence “national expert” John Nicoletti, who said that hallway feces is in fact a health and safety risk. He added the behavior was “very dangerous” and the individuals responsible would “probably escalate” their actions.
Frankly, the fact that EPA employees don't (or do) give a crap about their work environment is unsurprising. What is surprising is the fact that agency higher-ups are so stupid that they had to waste your tax dollars on some kind of consultant to tell them that this could be a problem. I mean, how exactly did that conversation play out? "Hey, Mr. Workplace Expert, we've got someone pooping in the hallways. Is that something we should look into?" Apparently it is, because EPA spokesman Richard Mylott is taking it very seriously. He issued a statement. “EPA cannot comment on ongoing personnel matters. EPA’s actions in response to recent workplace issues have been deliberate and have focused on ensuring a safe work environment for our employees. Our brief consultation with Dr. Nicoletti on this matter, a resource who regularly provides our office with training and expertise on workplace issues, reflects our commitment to securing a safe workplace.” In other words, "Please, employees, stop unloading in the hallway." That'll tell 'em!


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