Robert Laurie


Robert Laurie’s column is distributed by HermanCain.com, which can be found at HermanCain.comBe sure to "like" Robert Laurie over on Facebook and follow him on Twitter. You'll be glad you did.

Most Recent Articles by Robert Laurie:

New York Times: Boy, that horrible tax bill that let you keep more of your money sure is gaining pop

Jan 17, 2018 — Robert Laurie

New York Times: Boy, that horrible tax bill that let you keep more of your money sure is gaining popularity!
If you’re a writer for the “Failing New York Times,” you know in your heart of hearts that Donald Trump has never done a single good thing. On rare occasion, good things happen around him, but they are NEVER the result of his actions.  Even if he was responsible for them, these momentary positive radar blips - no matter how good they may be - would not be enough to balance out the damage he’s done to the lofty tone and civility of our political discourse.

Take, for example, the horrible, no good, awful, and completely destructive tax overhaul.  It’s “divisive,” “polarizing,” and wildly unpop - oh wait, you’re starting to like it?


White House doctor: Sorry Dems. Trump in great shape, has all his marbles

Jan 17, 2018 — Robert Laurie

White House doctor: Sorry Dems. Trump in great shape, has all his marbles
President Trump, as you may or may not know, is completely insane.  When he’s not screaming at the gorilla channel, he’s berating his staff, muttering to himself, and taking an axe to the White House doors while screaming “Heeeere’s Donny!”


Just so you know, Dick Durbin has a history of lying - sometimes about off-the-record White House me

Jan 16, 2018 — Robert Laurie

Just so you know, Dick Durbin has a history of lying - sometimes about off-the-record White House meetings
Did Trump say the word “shithole?”  I don’t know.  I also don’t care. If he did or didn’t, we’re still about a million times better off than we would have been under President Hillary Clinton.  Would I like to see a President who was an unsullied moral paragon AND a down-in-the-trenches conservative?  Sure. Unfortunately, the GOP has worked hard to make sure that’s never an option, so I’ll take what I can get.

As long as I like the legislation he signs and his judicial appointments, I can stomach the occasional mild unpleasantry.


Bannon to meet with House Intel Committee today. ...So, here’s Bill Murray

Jan 16, 2018 — Robert Laurie

Bannon to meet with House Intel Committee today. ...So, here's Bill Murray
Today is an interesting day. Former chief strategist Steve Bannon is going to meet with the House Intel Committee, where he’ll answer questions about the whole “Russia” thing. That means that, at some point, we’re going to learn which version of Steve Bannon will survive its time in the Thunderdome.

On one side you have alleged-conservative-at-all-costs Steve Bannon. He’s the guy who turned Breitbart into a propaganda outlet and supports Trump no matter what.


Shocker: People moving away from high-tax states

Jan 15, 2018 — Robert Laurie

Shocker: People moving away from high-tax statesTaxation, as my dyed-in-the-wool libertarian friends like to say, is theft. State-sponsored theft, legalized theft, tolerated theft, and possibly even necessary theft, but theft just the same. People probably wouldn’t mind it so much if 100% of the money went to tangible, unarguably beneficial, projects. Unfortunately, as taxation stands now, your money is confiscated and much of it’s squandered on a whole array of worthless garbage.

Everyone, whether they admit it or not, wants to keep more of what they earn. Progressives like to call this instinct “unpatriotic.” Those of us who know our nation’s history call it “the most patriotic thing in the world.” Whatever you call it, it’s perfectly natural and (since we don’t have walls between the states) high-tax states are becoming acutely aware of it.


Rand Paul: Hey, if Trump’s such Haiti-hating racist, why was he funding my medical missions there?

Jan 15, 2018 — Robert Laurie

Rand Paul: Hey, if Trump's such Haiti-hating racist, why was he funding my medical missions there?
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again.  Donald Trump is his own worst enemy.  As good as he is at playing the media, he also seems remarkably eager to shove his foot in his mouth.  Do I think, despite the denials, that he called Haiti a shithole? Absolutely.  Do I think saying that means a person is racist? Absolutely not.  Do I care that he said it at all?  Nope. 

All I’ll say is this: When you know your enemies are eager to pounce on any transgression - no matter how microscopic - you should probably try not to give them openings.


Dick Durbin’s OTHER hot take: the term ‘chain migration’ is racist ...because slaves were in chains

Jan 15, 2018 — Robert Laurie

Dick Durbin's OTHER hot take: the term 'chain migration' is racist ...because slaves were in chainsHere’s an old left-wing chestnut we haven’t seen in a while.  Take two completely unrelated things, pretend they’re kind of the same thing thanks to similar words, and use the unflattering comparison to scream racism at your opponents. It’s right out of the DNC playbook, and it’s just as ridiculous as it always was.

This time, the example comes from Dick Durbin.  Despite denials, Durbin is 100% sure Trump said “shithole.”  He’s also sure that the term “chain migration” is totally racist.


Jeff Bezos wants your toilet to be Alexa-enabled—because there’s just not enough surveillance

Jan 12, 2018 — Robert Laurie

Jeff Bezos wants your toilet to be Alexa-enabled--because there's just not enough surveillance
Earlier today, Dan told you about that new GM “thing” that doesn’t have a steering wheel.  I hesitate to call it a car, because to me a “car” is something you drive. Whatever GM’s threatening to make, it’s not a car. Call it a conveyance, a transport device, or a rolling ride machine.  Just, please, don’t lump it in with the GTO, the Challenger, or the Mustang.  This, I’m sorry to say, “ain’t that.”

GM’s monstrosity is closer to the homicidal “Johnny Cab” than it is to a car.


Pelosi: Those $1,000 bonuses are ‘pathetic,’ ‘insignificant,’ and ‘crumbs’

Jan 12, 2018 — Robert Laurie

Pelosi: Those $1,000 bonuses are 'pathetic,' 'insignificant,' and 'crumbs'
I don’t know about you guys, but if I get an extra thousand dollars in my paycheck, I’m ecstatic and grateful. A grand may not buy a car these days - even one that’s missing a steering wheel - but it’s a very nice chunk of change, particularly when it’s on top of your regular pay. If there’s anyone out there who doesn’t like an extra “Grover Cleveland” in his pocket, they’re free to send that cash my way.

I assume Nancy Pelosi will be one of those folks, since she’s so rich - so absolutely, fabulously, Thurston Howell the Third, wealthy - that she thinks a thousand-dollar bonus is “pathetic,” “insignificant,” and represents mere “crumbs” from the plate of your betters.


Meghan McCain shreds anti-Trump author Michael Wolff’s credibility on ‘The View’

Jan 11, 2018 — Robert Laurie

Meghan McCain shreds anti-Trump author Michael Wolff's credibility on 'The View'
Here’s a tip for factually challenged anti-Trumpers who are thinking about writing a book and promoting it on TV.  If pretty much everyone - including anchors at CNN and MSNBC - are openly questioning your credibility, don’t ask an interviewer to list the people who are calling you out.  If you do that, your interview isn’t going to go so well.

That’s a lesson that “Fire and Fury” author Michael Wolff learned the hard way during an appearance on The View.


Women’s March ditches pink ‘p***yhats’ - because they’re exclusionary, racist against brown genitals

Jan 11, 2018 — Robert Laurie

Women's March ditches pink 'p***yhats' - because they're exclusionary, racist against brown genitals
There are plenty of good reasons not to wear a pink pussyhat. No one really needs a list of them, because “they look utterly ridiculous” should suffice.  People who wear them look like complete morons, they aren’t taken seriously, and that undermines their cause.  Even if I were to suspend disbelief and buy into the idea that the “Women’s March” was honestly about meaningful women’s issues - and not just a catch-all for a collection of socialist Cause célèbres - the hats wouldn’t make any sense.  If women are angry that they’re not being taken seriously, a piece of vagina-based headgear is not the way to turn that problem around.

So, for that reason, you might expect the organizers of next year’s Women’s March (yes there’s going to be one) to ditch the goofy hats.


Chris Matthews compares Trump’s kids to Uday and Qusay Hussein—Matthews is a clown

Jan 10, 2018 — Robert Laurie

Chris Matthews compares Trump's kids to Uday and Qusay Hussein

There are a thousand horror stories about Uday and Qusay Hussein - Saddam Hussein’s depraved, bloodthirsty, sons. Tales of rape, torture, and horrific abuse swirled around the monstrous duo until their deaths.

ABC News said of Uday:


CNN shocked that President Trump looks presidential, sane, and in-control during immigration meeting

Jan 10, 2018 — Robert Laurie

CNN shocked that President Trump looks presidential, sane, and in-control during immigration meeting,
As you know, President Trump is completely insane.  He spends all day watching TV, has never heard of John Boehner, eats fried chicken in bed, rants, raves, screams, and berates everyone around him, and he’s basically a functional illiterate. Everyone at the White House despises him, they think he’s a bizarre man-child, and they spend their days plotting his destruction via the 25th Amendment.  Also, he’s watching a fictional “gorilla channel” and talking to the gorillas as he encourages them to fight.

OK, none of that (save possibly the KFC thing) is true, but it’s more or less the narrative you’ve been fed if you pay any attention to the standard left-wing propaganda outlets.


Trump: ‘I like Oprah. Oprah would be a lot of fun. I’ll beat Oprah. I don’t think she’s gonna run.’

Jan 10, 2018 — Robert Laurie

Trump: 'I like Oprah. Oprah would be a lot of fun. I'll beat Oprah
I’m pretty sure Oprah has no intention of making a presidential run.  She has a good racket going, won’t want to alienate half the country, and a shot at the White House is usually a mean, exhausting, and expensive slog. If I had to guess, she’ll settle into a low-level kingmaker role, and leave the heavy lifting to someone else.  I said this back when she was floated as a potential Trump running mate in 2015, said it again last week, and still believe it.

Those closest to her may be sending mixed messages, but I suspect that has more to do with hangers-on wishing she would take them to Washington than it has to do with her intentions.


Ruth Bader Ginsburg promises to stay on SCOTUS bench until at least 2021 - wants to outlast Trump

Jan 9, 2018 — Robert Laurie

Ruth Bader Ginsburg promises to stay on SCOTUS bench until at least 2021 - wants to outlast Trump
Last year, President Trump seemed excited that he could get as many as 4 Supreme Court appointments during his Presidency. At the time, rumors were swirling that Justice Kennedy was going to retire during the summer recess.  That, obviously, never happened.  So, political junkies are still waiting to see who will go next.

Unfortunately, those hoping that Ruth Bader Ginsburg would depart have been dealt a blow.  Yesterday, it was confirmed that Ginsburg intends to hang round through at least two more terms.  It seems the outspoken Trump-hater has decided she’s like to outlast the current President.

From CNN


Norks announce their nuclear missiles ONLY aimed at U.S. oh, and we’ll be able to root against them

Jan 9, 2018 — Robert Laurie

Norks announce their nuclear missiles ONLY aimed at U.S
As you know, I’m bummed that Russia has been booted from the 2018 Winter Olympics. Sure, their athletes are finding a variety of ways around their country’s embarrassing drug-related ban, but it’s just not the same. Fortunately, we’ll have another global enemy to root against.

After a “historic” meeting between North and South Korean diplomats, Kim Jong Un has announced that the ridiculously named Democratic People’s Republic of Korea will be sending athletes, reporters, and cheerleaders to the Pyeongchang games.


Chris Christie: I’d be President if Trump hadn’t run

Jan 8, 2018 — Robert Laurie

Chris Christie: I'd be President if Trump hadn't run
2016 may go into the record books as the year with the most presidential “what-ifs” in American history.

The Democrat base is sure that Bernie could have won.

Joe Biden has said he regrets not running, and seems to think he could have won.


Maxine Waters offers up some seriously atrocious anti-Trump poetry

Jan 8, 2018 — Robert Laurie

Maxine Waters offers up some seriously atrocious anti-Trump poetry
If, back in middle school, you read The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, you know that the Vogons are an alien race with a nasty habit of writing terrible poetry.  “Terrible” is really underselling it, since it was regularly thought to be the third worst in the universe. Listening to it usually proved fatal.

Well, move over Vogons. We’re afraid you’ve dropped to fourth place, because there’s a new ‘worst poet in the universe.’


Totally unbiased news outlet, NBC, declares Oprah Winfrey ‘OUR future President’

Jan 8, 2018 — Robert Laurie

Totally unbiased news outlet, NBC, declares Oprah Winfrey 'OUR future President'
Let the Progressive Oprahgasm commence!!!

UPDATE: NBC deleted their Oprah-for-President moment.  Fortunately, the internet is forever. Don’t worry, NBC, we saved a copy for you…

UPDATE: NBC DELETES - Totally unbiased news outlet, NBC, declares Oprah Winfrey ‘OUR future President’


The real victims of the Disney/Fox buyout, from a movie fan’s perspective

Jan 5, 2018 — Robert Laurie

The real victims of the Disney/Fox buyout, from a movie fan's perspective
Those of you who have read the site for a long time know that I’m a pop-culture junkie.  I grew up loving music, film, TV, books, comics, and theme parks.  Those interests took root a looooong time before my interest in limited government, they’ll remain long after I stop working in and around politics.

I regularly argue that the greatest mistake conservatives ever made was abdicating influence over popular media. Instead of engaging with it, the political right deemed pop-culture an enemy.  So, pop-culture moved on without the political right.