WhatFinger


The most hilarious election ever

The top 5 stories of 2016, or... Why Democrat implosion is loads of fun



If this was a list of the most meaningful stories of the year, Donald Trump's victory would obviously take the top spot. If it was a list of the most important stories of the year, we'd have to mention the continuing impotence of Obama's foreign policy. Since it's neither of those things, you won't see those stories. This is a list of the stories that made the political year so, so, fun. From Bernie to Meltdown, it paints a disastrous picture of abject Democrat failure. Savor the year that was....

5. I'm with her. It's her turn.

The Democrat primaries were a joke. They began with a man running on a promise of restoring the metric system and rapidly devolved into a sad little puppet show designed to place a crown the head of Hillary Clinton. This was not because she was the best person for the job, or because she commanded the respect and loyalty of Democrat voters. Her negatives were always extremely high. It was done because it "was her turn." In Washington D.C. language, that means she was owed a spot at the top of the Democrat ticket, and she had the leverage to call in her markers because she knows where all the proverbial bodies are buried. Republicans pulled a similar maneuver to nominate John McCain back in 2008 and, just as it was then, it proved to be a terrible idea. The guy progressives really wanted was an elderly socialist coot with a dubious musical background.

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As I wrote when he announced his candidacy, the Democrats were never going to let Bernie become the nominee. However, to placate the far left, they let him hang around as a phony foil for Hillary Clinton. It worked too well, and the DNC had to cheat to get rid of him. Bernie got the hook in July - again because "It's her turn." Having played his part, Bernie did an about-face that took him from "she's unfit to serve" to "I've got a nice new beach house" in the space of about a week. Still, he cast a long shadow among disenchanted Dems... As it turns out, that's one of the answers to one of Hillary Clinton's now-infamous questions...

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4. "Why aren't I fifty points ahead, you might ask!"

In an obvious change year, Hillary ran firmly on a platform of "more of the same." Why should she be President? To give you more of the same. What are her top issues? Why they're the same issues she's always talked about. How is her candidacy different from her failed 2008 bid? It's not. It's pretty much identical. Outside of New York and California, no one wanted more of the same. Her 2016 run was equal parts dismissive, out-of-touch, angry, and incoherent. It was summed up neatly in what might be the most bat-crap crazy campaign video ever released: The delivery in that clip, however, was not the only thing the left got wrong.

3. Progressives were arrogant, over-confident, and wrong about pretty much everything.

They were so sure. They were so absolutely, unbelievably, over-confident. There was simply no way they could lose. The arrogance was staggering. It looked like this, and it's hilarious in retrospect. (Video now removed) The progressive movement believed that its ideas were universally loved, its non-existent achievements were recognized by all, and its bizarro agenda had been fully embraced. The GOP had nominated the DNC's dream candidate - a man the Clinton campaign desperately wanted to face. It was time to go for the jugular. Finally, after a hundred years of work, they would decimate the Republican Party, eliminate conservatism, and end the concept of the United States as a constitutionally limited republic. All they had to do was elect Hillary, and her SCOTUS appointments would do the rest. Then it all came crumbling down....

2. Hillary's electoral implosion.

Uh-oh. Turns out, running the least likable candidate in modern political history - a well-known liar who ordered Christians to change their beliefs and derided half the voting public as a 'basket of deplorables' - might not have been the best plan. It seems voters weren't sold on the left's brand of economic malaise, half (at best) hearted national security, and open-borders lunacy. Spending almost a year screaming about transgender bathrooms probably didn't help either. The combination of their candidate and their policy positions resulted in the most jaw-dropping election night that most of us will ever see.
I mean, c'mon. She lost Pennsylvania, Michigan, AND Wisconsin!? If that map looks bad, it's a rosy scenario compared to the county-level snapshot.
Democrats continue to hold sway over urban dystopias but, once you get out of the cities, almost the entire country has abandoned them. After spending a decade yakking about the death of the GOP, Dems woke up to learn that they were the "small regional party" in dire need of soul-searching. Sadly, introspection is not their thing. This brings us to my absolute favorite part of 2016.

1. The Post-election liberal meltdown.

Obviously, Trump's victory is the biggest and most important story of the year. ...But it's not my favorite. That honor goes to the left-wing freakout we've been enjoying since we cast our votes. Like Spinal Tap's amplifiers, the Democrat histrionics were turned all the way up to 11. Rather than look inward, progressives spent their post-election energy blaming...everything. It's Christianity's fault, it's WikiLeaks' fault, it's Trump's fault, it's racism's fault, it's Debbie Wasserman Schultz's fault, it's homophobia's fault, it's the vast right-wing conspiracy's fault, it's Islamophobia's fault, it's the South's fault, it's Fake News's fault, it's Bernie's fault, it's the Klan's fault, it's the stupid apathetic voters' fault, it's YOUR fault. No matter who, or what, you might be; you're responsible for Hillary's loss. She's not. As usual, she's the victim here. Thanks to this astronomical level of denial, they've re-elected Nancy Pelosi to her leadership position, and are considering Keith Ellison for DNC chair. In short, they're not moving on and they're unwilling to change. That's good news, since it means they'll be heading into a brutal 2018 midterm map with the same team of crackpots responsible for the 2016 election. So farewell 2016, celebrities everywhere can now breathe a sigh of relief. As for 2017, we're counting the days until a certain Democrat leaves the White House. ...Then we'll be here to hold his successor's feet to the very same fire. Be sure to "like" Robert Laurie over on Facebook and follow him on Twitter. You'll be glad you did Oh, what the heck. Because it never gets old, here's one more.


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Robert Laurie -- Bio and Archives

Robert Laurie’s column is distributed by HermanCain.com, which can be found at HermanCain.com

Be sure to “like” Robert Laurie over on Facebook and follow him on Twitter. You’ll be glad you did.


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