William Kevin Stoos

Scientists Discover Most Powerful Force on Earth

--Satire The “Reverend” Al Sharpton: professional race baiter, creator of the infamous “Tawana Brawley scandal” in which he accused several white law enforcement officers and a prosecutor of raping a young black girl (which eventually led to a substantial defamation verdict against him and others because of his false allegations); MSNBC “commentator” whose show “Racial Politics Nation” caused him to be named “Reporter Least Likely to String Two Intelligible Sentences End to End” by The Society for the Preservation of English, and who famously pronounced “white Hispanic” George Zimmerman guilty of murder before he was even charged, recently received some more unexpected notoriety. And Hugh Betcha, Ace Reporter, Head of the StoosViews International Media Conglomerate Science Division, and frequent contributor to the powerful Canada Free Press, was there.

“First Lady Executive Order” Bans Politically Incorrect Words…..

-Satire Hearing that the First Lady, Michelle Obama had begun her campaign to ban the word “bossy” from the English language, Hugh Betcha—Ace Reporter for Canada Free Press, Chief of the Language Bureau of the Stoos Views Media Conglomerate and voted “Reporter We Would Most Like to Hang With, 2014” by MSNBC—flew to Foggy Bottom to interview the First Lady at her request.

Ivan's Red Star Station

“The U.S.S.R. has announced plans to construct a natural gas pipeline from Siberia to West Germany. The pipeline is expected to be operational by 1984.” (November 16, 1981). [William Kevin Stoos, Manchester Union Leader, 1981]

South Dakotan Wins Olympic Gold in First Ever Bierathlon

Of all the several new Olympic sports approved by the International Olympic Committee for the 2014 Olympics, none is more interesting or has drawn bigger crowds than the Bierathlon—a rigorous sport that contains the best elements of Nordic ski touring, American marksmanship and German beer drinking.

Al Gore’s S.S. Burning Planet Expedition Hits Snag…

-Satire It was the Year 2014--fifth anniversary of Al Gore’s confident prediction that “in five years the polar ice will melt.” [sic] And a band of true believers— Australian scientists and global warming experts led by experienced skipper Harold “Chips” Ahoy—set out to confirm and document the prediction of their hero and International Guru of Climate Change (formerly known as Global Warming) Al Gore.

The Christmas Candle

“It was always said of him, that he knew how to keep Christmas well, if any man alive possessed the knowledge.” Charles Dickens Dickens could have been writing about my father, William Christian Stoos, when he said of Scrooge that he knew how to keep Christmas well. Dad was the Spirit of Christmas in our household.

The Simple Faith of Humble Men

“Thus out of small beginnings greater things have been produced by His hand. And as one small candle may light a thousand, so the light here kindled hath shone to many. Let the glorious name of Jehovah have all the praise.” (William Bradford, Governor of Plymouth County, 1621) Thankful they assembled there, A humble Pilgrim band, To praise their God in silent prayer That He should bless their land.

2019: The Future of Doctors Under Obama Universal Coverage for Health (O.U.C.H.)

The year was 2019, in the third term of the Reign of Obama the Secular. Owing to an extreme left wing Supreme Court stacked with four Obama appointees, who managed to declare the United States Constitution itself unconstitutional to the extent that it limited the ability of the Great One to serve no more than two terms, Obama was well on his way to becoming the first President since Roosevelt to be elected to four terms.

A Hugh Betcha Exclusive Report: IRS Agents to Give Free Rectal Exams with Every Audit

-Satire It was not unusual for President Obama to call his good friend, Hugh Betcha, to the White House in advance of a new government program.

Two Tamerlan(e)s and Two Jokers—Murderous Namesakes

“Mentally he is normal, but the child is shocked. It was really hard to hear him and for him to hear me. The conversation was very quiet. It was my child. I know he is locked up like a dog, like an animal.” -- Zubeidat Tsarnaeva, Boston Murders’ mother

Barack Baffled by Boston Bombers’ Background

-Satire Mystified and more than a little embarrassed by the radical Islamic background of the Boston Marathon killers—a tremendous inconvenience for the White House which denies the fact of Islamic terrorism--President Obama sat down in the Oval Office for a private interview with his favorite reporter, Hugh Betcha—Director of the International Terrorism Bureau of the Stoos Views media conglomerate. Hugh, who walks with kings and princes, is respected by both sides of the aisle in Washington, and recently named “Most Respected Name in Reporting 2013” by MSNBC was happy to chat with his old friend.

The Fabric of Our Faith

“Except I shall see in his hands the print of the nails and put my finger into the print of the nails and thrust my hand into his side, I will not believe.” John 20:25 His face looks incredibly lonesome, as if every one of His friends abandoned him in the moment of his greatest need. And sad—sad for all time. As if the weight of the whole world were upon His shoulders. There is an eternal pensiveness in His death pose. The stabbing thorns that cut so unkindly into His scalp and the blood that flowed from His head are visible, indelible. They are vivid, tangible signs of the once painful wounds that hurt no more. The gash in His side flows with blood now etched in to the cloth, running no more but visible still. A record of one final insult visited upon Him by a soldier’s side arm.

Easter Seggquester Avoided! Egypt and United States Announce Eggs for Tanks Agreement

- Satire Stoos Views’ Ace Reporter Hugh Betcha “Sixteen F-16s and 200 Abrams tanks will be given to the radical Muslim Brotherhood-led Egyptian government before the end of the year under a foreign aid agreement deal signed in 2010.” 
“White House threatens to cancel Easter Egg Roll for lack of funding.”

Who Exactly is Helping the Taliban?  The Ungrateful and Corrupt Mr. Karzai….

“Ungrateful”—thy name is Karzai. Look up the word in Webster’s Dictionary and you see his picture. Recently the President of Afghanistan had the audacity to suggest that the United States is working secretly with the Taliban and against the interests of Afghanistan. Yep, the United States—the country which has spent billions building up their infrastructure, supporting his corrupt government so there is an alternative to the pipe wielding misogynist, cave-dwelling, religious zealots who want to return the country to the glorious seventh century.

White House Use Tax—Answer to the Tour Dilemma?

-Satire Another Stoos Views/Hugh Betcha Exclusive Interview With Obama: In a hastily arranged interview with the President, Hugh Betcha—Ace Reporter for the Stoos Views Media Conglomerate, winner of the “White House Press Corps’ Most Trusted Name in News, 2013” and long-time drinking buddy of the President—met with Obama at his urgent request to quell the mounting national furor over the White House decision to ban tours of the People’s House due to the Obama Scarequester. Munching on a cheeseburger and quaffing down a 20 ounce Coke while pulling on a Marlboro between bites (“Don’t tell Michelle” he cautioned the reporter) the President began:

“Double Barrel” Joe Biden on the “Biden Balcony Maneuver” for Women

-Satire Hugh Betcha exclusive interview “…walk out on the balcony here, walk out and put that double-barrel shotgun and fire two blasts outside the house.” -- Vice President Joe Biden, 2013 In an exclusive interview with his old friend and hunting buddy, Vice President Joe “Double Barrel” Biden sat down with Hugh Betcha, Ace Reporter for Stoos Views Media Conglomerate for a talk on how women can protect themselves and their children in the politically correct way. Dressed in desert BDUs with a blaze orange hunting cap to accentuate his love of guns and respect for the Second Amendment, Joe smiled as he answered questions from his friend. Hugh, winner of the “2013 Piers Morgan Award for Most Trusted Name in Journalism,” and a member of the NRA, started with the question on everyone’s mind, raised by Biden’s recent comments in an interview about how a woman can ward off criminals the politically correct way.

News Flash! Released Criminals Hired by TSA—Federal Workers Fired—An Exclusive Report

- Satire-- by Stoos Views Ace Reporter Hugh Betcha In a bold move to at once save federal dollars by releasing illegal alien criminals, firing expensive TSA employees, and getting maximum use out of the $50 million dollars that Obama has authorized for new TSA uniforms—apparently exempt from the sequester—the President announced today in an exclusive interview with Canada Free Press/Stoos Views Ace Reporter Hugh Betcha his bold new plan.

Uncle Sugar and the Rise of Obamunism

He used to be known as Uncle Sam--a tall, grandfatherly, if a little stern, gentleman dressed in red, white and blue. He was patriotic, straight laced, and distinguished. He taught us to say the pledge of allegiance, he asked us to help--whether it was "I want you to buy bonds," or "I want you to serve in the Army," and he even exhorted us to "ask not what the country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country."

Senator Feinstein’s Bizzare New Weapons Legislation

-- An Exclusive Report by Stoos Views Ace Reporter Hugh Betcha (Satire) Shortly after announcing her list of over 150 weapons that Diane “Pistol Packin’” Feinstein proposes to ban in the United States, she called her longtime friend and confidante Hugh Betcha for an exclusive interview. Hugh, winner of the 2013 Most Trusted Reporter in America Award by MSNBC--a man who walks with kings and princes and has equal access to all branches of government—hopped in the Stoos Views corporate jet and arrived in California where he met with the Senator in her office.

Al Gorezeera

- Satire Hugh Betcha, winner of the 2012 “Most Trusted Name in World News” award by MSNBC, a reporter who walks with kings and princes and has easy access to world leaders in the free world and elsewhere, was privileged to interview his old friend and drinking buddy, Al Gore this week over Gore’s recent sale of Current TV. Gore, author of Inconvenient Humans, © 2009 Al Gore; No Really, It Is Global Warming, © 2009 Al Gore, A World Without Polar Bears, © 2010, Bye Bye North Pole, © 2011, Al Gore, Earth: A Dwarf Planet is Born, © Al Gore, 2012--which details how the center of the earth is actually hotter than the sun and will in time melt the outer core of the planet--Inconvenient Humans, © 2012,