Copyright © 2020 William Kevin Stoos
William Kevin Stoos (aka Hugh Betcha) is a writer, book reviewer, and attorney, whose feature and cover articles have appeared in the Liguorian, Carmelite Digest, Catholic Digest, Catholic Medical Association Ethics Journal, Nature Conservancy Magazine, Liberty Magazine, Social Justice Review, Wall Street Journal Online and other secular and religious publications. He is a regular contributing author for The Bread of Life Magazine in Canada. His review of Shadow World, by COL. Robert Chandler, propelled that book to best seller status. His book, The Woodcarver (]And Other Stories of Faith and Inspiration) © 2009, William Kevin Stoos (Strategic Publishing Company)—a collection of feature and cover stories on matters of faith—was released in July of 2009. It can be purchased though many internet booksellers including Amazon, Tower, Barnes and Noble and others. Royalties from his writings go to support the Carmelites. He resides in Wynstone, South Dakota.Green Bulbs from Red China
-Satire
After returning two burnt-out, allegedly long-lasting, politically-correct, environmentally- friendly, curly Q, Al Gore-sanctioned, CFL bulbs within two moths of purchase, and having evacuated his office a couple times so the local HAZMAT team could do a sweep of the office and clean up the mercury neurotoxins emitted by a bulb that broke on the floor, Hugh Betcha decided to investigate. Hugh, the "Chief of the Environmental News Bureau" of worldwide media conglomerate, Stoos Views, and named "Most Trusted Journalist in America, 2011"--a man who walks with kings and princes and has the respect of both sides of the aisle in Washington, D.C.--decided to explore these mercury-laden, harmful-ray emitting, but politically- correct bulbs destined, by federal fiat, to phase out the trusty old incandescent bulbs that have graced American households for over a century.
- Thursday, March 10, 2011
“Don't fail to rescue those who are doomed to die. Don't say, "I didn't know it!" God can read your mind. He watches each of us and knows our thoughts. And God will pay us back for what we do.” (Proverbs 24:11-12--Contemporary English Version)
Since 1973 when two women, prompted (some might say, used) by their activist radical women’s rights attorneys, challenged laws prohibiting abortions and won(i), nearly 50 million unborn and nearly born babies have been killed. That is nearly 16% of the current population of the United States. Fifty million babies who had no choice were sacrificed on the Altar of Choice—proving that when activist attorneys with no moral grounding argue cases before activist judges, bad things happen.
"I have taken the mystery out of life." (A Man of Science, on the creation of artificial life, 2010)
The Man of Science was at the height of his glory as the spotlights glared, the cameras clicked and the national press assembled to hear his announcement. He had discovered the origins of life. It was a monumental day in the history of Humankind and he was proud of his accomplishment. His story went viral on the internet and made the newspaper headlines; even Good Morning America led with a story on his accomplishment. It was heady stuff all right.
Satire--A Stoos Views Hugh Betcha Exclusive
Hugh Betcha, Ace Reporter and Head of the Stoos Views Media Conglomerate in sunny Wyntsone, South Dakota, where the air is clean, the crime rate low, people vote red and the center still holds, received some alarming news from the Stoos Views’ east coast storm watchers today. According to Stoos Views weather watchers a dangerous weather event—which forecasters are naming “Hurricane Obama”—is threatening to wipe out much of Washington D.C. on Tuesday between the hours of 8:00 a.m. and 8:00 p.m. This massive storm, caused by an unusual combination of circumstances, poses a particular threat to liberal Democrats.
- Satire
A Stoos Views Hugh Betcha Exclusive
It was the largest pot bust ever--a drug interdiction unparalleled in the history of Mexico. The Mexican police announced that its agents had intercepted a drug shipment of 134 tons of marijuana near Tijuana, presumably headed for the United States. The government announced that all 134 tons would be disposed of by burning the stash in a ceremony at a nearby army base. And Hugh Betcha, Chief of the International News Desk of the Stoos Views media conglomerate was there.
STOOS VIEWS EXCLUSIVE
-Satire
In a dramatic turn of events, Hugh Betcha, Head of the Religious Affairs Bureau of the Stoos Views Media Conglomerate, located in beautiful downtown Wynstone, South Dakota--where the air is clean, the crime rate low, and people vote red--a man who walks with kings and princes and recognized as the "Most Trusted Name in News, 2010" by MSNBC, CNN and FOX News, brokered a deal between red-neck, corn pone bigot, Reverend Terry Jones of Florida and red-diaper baby/President of the United States, Barack Obama.
"So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them." [Gen. 1:27 KJV]
"I can guarantee to a 99 percent certainty that I will not give birth to any monsters." [Dr. Severino Antinori, on his project to create the first human clone.]
I was an experiment--the first of my kind. Am I supposed to be happy about this? To revel in the glory of being the first? Others, who gave no apparent thought to me, believed that it was important for me to be created. Who and what gave them this right, I will never know. Their scientific curiosity, their self-righteousness, their vanity and their unbridled arrogance were my genesis.
Hugh Betcha, Ace Reporter for the Stoos Views Media Congolomerate in beautiful downtown Wynstone, South Dakota--where the air is clean, the crime rate low, the values are good and the people vote red--recently announced a new venture in New York City. Hugh, the Chief of the Alternate Lifestyles and Tolerance Bureau of Stoos Views, moved to tears by the goodwill and tolerance displayed by Mayor Bloomberg and President Obama toward the proposed Ground Zero Mosque soon to be built in the Big Apple, and desirous of promoting tolerance of gay men and women around the world, recently announced that he has been granted permission by the New York City Zoning Commission to open a gay night club across the street from the Ground Zero Mosque.
Racial prejudice is ugly. I never knew how ugly until I was on the receiving end.
“Cornell” was a black kid from the projects on the South Side of Chicago. He was a neatly dressed, diminutive young man, with a round, open face and a smile that could light up a room. He was the kind of guy you instantly liked. And we became fast friends my sophomore year in college. I was a small town boy from rural southern Iowa and he was a big city boy from Chicago. Neither of us had really ever had a friend like the other. He did not run around with many white kids in school. Other than one family in my hometown—who were nice folks and well respected in the community—I did not know many black people.
On a windswept bluff overlooking the east side of Sioux City, Iowa, above the hustle, bustle, and cacophony of the city below lies a serene spiritual oasis of peace and tranquility containing some of the most beautiful monuments to the Christian faith anywhere. It may be one of the best-kept secrets in the country; yet it is a secret that should not be kept, for this place was meant to be shared by all persons of faith—to inspire, invigorate and remind us of the foundations of our faith.
What has now become collectively known as Trinity Heights/Queen of Peace, was the brainchild of the late Father Harold Cooper of Sioux City. Father Cooper visited a statue of the Blessed Virgin during a trip out west and was inspired to create a memorial to the faith in his hometown, to aid believers in their spiritual journey. What began 1992 with the erection of a thirty-foot statue of the Holy Mother atop a hill on the former site of Trinity College, has now, by the grace of God and the work of dedicated believers, expanded into seventy four acres of verdant serenity--a veritable outdoor cathedral, inspiring no less awe, wonder, and reverence than one would experience entering a place of worship. One has only to walk quietly around the beautiful grounds to know that the Holy Spirit is moving in this place.
- Satire-
In an effort to explain his refusal to protect the southern border of the United States from the torrent of illegal immigrants, drugs, and the spread of violence that has cost the lives of United States citizens, President Obama summoned “The Most Trusted Name in the News 2010,” Stoos Views’ own Hugh Betcha, for an exclusive interview in the Oval Office. Hugh, Chief of the International Desk of the Stoos Views worldwide media conglomerate, a man who walks with kings and princes (but unlike the President, bowing to none), caught a quick flight from Wynstone, South Dakota--where the air is clean, the crime rate low, the people vote red, and the centre still holds--and flew into Foggy Bottom. Ushered into the President’s office after a short ride in the Presidential limousine, Hugh settled down for a frank discussion with the President on the troublesome issue of illegal immigration and Arizona’s attempt to staunch the flow of illegals, drugs and violence that has plagued the state.
No sooner had San Francisco announced its Meatless Mondays program--proposed by Supervisor Sophie "Meatless" Maxwell--vegetarian, than they scrapped the plan in favor of a more traditional way to curb pollution in the United States. Of course, this startling development caught the eye of Ace Reporter and "Most Trusted Name in the News 2010," Hugh Betcha. Hugh, Chief of the Food Bureau of the Stoos Views media conglomerate in Wynstone, South Dakota--where the air is clean, the crime rate low, the folks vote red and the centre still holds--called Heather "Muffin" Goodearth, spokes- individual for the San Francisco Board of Supervisors--to get the lowdown. Heather, who took the call for Maxwell, who was attending a conference on "Offending the Goddess of Nature--How to Protect the Ecosphere," at the Frisco University Institute of Technology--Cows Are Killing the Environment division (F.R.U.I.T.C.A.K.E) explained the sudden change in attitude by the Supervisors.
-Satire
Well on his way to accomplishing the last of his three presidential priorities:
COL John “Jack” Sallee was a good man. Witty, charming, and decisive, he had a way of cutting through the BS. He was my Commanding Officer in the Army. I was sorry to hear of his passing. He prominently displayed a sign on the wall of his office in the headquarters building. Perhaps it was a warning to his troops, but I think it was an endearing, sort of self-deprecating reminder.
In big, bold letters it read: “DON’T DO DUMB THINGS”. It was simple, eloquent, and said it all--good advice for all of us. I wish Sarah Palin had met COL Sallee, or at least read his sign.
Hugh Betcha and the staff of Stoos Views have long supported Sarah Palin--for what their support was worth--in several previous columns. They defended her against her Democrat detractors, against the slander and libel directed toward her wonderful family, and against the mean-spirited, sleazy Letterman jokes about the rape of Sarah’s daughter.
Hugh Betcha, Head of the Climate Change Bureau of the Stoos Views world wide media conglomerate, listened intently to the weather report this morning as he has for the past week. Today, January 4, 2010--five years away from the melting of the polar ice caps predicted by global warming expert, geothermal scientist, inventor of the internet and Almost President, Al Gore--it appeared that Gore's prediction had finally come true.
Checking his thermometer outside the Stoos Views World Headquarters in Wynstone, South Dakota--where the air is clean, crime is low, people vote red, and the centre still holds--Hugh noticed the ambient temperature was a balmy 24 below Fahrenheit--clear evidence that Global Warming had invaded the Midwest.